Shubhangi Priyadarshini grew up tall and broad-shouldered. Her physique sort didn’t match typical notions of femininity—slender figures and slender frames—which meant she typically felt misplaced in clothes and saris, or standing subsequent to companions and dates.
Over time, she realised her wrestle was hardly distinctive. “I keep in mind when Deepika Padukone uploaded an image in a purple outfit the place her facial hair was seen. For a second, I puzzled why anybody would even discover that. However the backlash confirmed me simply how conditioned our society is to zoom into ‘flaws’ that don’t even matter,” mentioned Priyadarshini, a artistic supervisor at Digilogues.
Mrunal Thakur vs Bipasha Basu
This pressure between how femininity is outlined and the way it’s policed got here into focus just lately when Mrunal Thakur confronted backlash over resurfaced feedback about fellow actor Bipasha Basu. In a viral clip from her early days, the Son of Sardaar 2 actor disapproved of muscular girls—a trait society typically codes as masculine.
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When co-star Arjit Taneja was requested if he would marry a muscular girl, Thakur lower in: “Do you wish to marry a woman who’s manly with muscle tissues? Go marry Bipasha.” She additionally mentioned, “Pay attention, I’m much better than Bipasha.”
As netizens known as out her body-shaming, Thakur issued an apology on Instagram, admitting her 19-year-old self had not totally understood the load of her phrases. Basu, in the meantime, responded gracefully, reframing muscle tissues as markers of energy, well being, health, and longevity.
The controversy spotlighted a long-running argument: who decides what femininity appears like? Ought to it stay tied to softness, delicacy, and submission, or can energy and muscularity be reclaimed as female, too? If gender is fluid and femininity a social assemble, then the countless calls for of performative femininity—all the time trying “womanly” in a slender sense—are much less about biology than about patriarchy in disguise.
A sociologist’s take
Sangamithra Saravanan, a sociologist at Christ College, instructed indianexpress.com that the row illustrates femininity as a contested efficiency.
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“When Mrunal dismissed muscularity as ‘manly,’ she was invoking a script many people grew up with—one which instructed girls to be tender, delicate, by no means too robust. Bipasha’s response flipped that script, insisting that energy and muscle tissues belong inside girls’s well being,” she mentioned.
In line with Saravanan, this conflict is extra between socially sanctioned and resisted variations of femininity than about who the “actual” girl is. Quoting Judith Butler from their e book Gender Hassle (1990), Saravanan mentioned that gender will not be a hard and fast essence however one thing we be taught to carry out via what society rewards as “female.”
She added: “Girls themselves can reproduce in addition to resist these slender norms. That’s how internalised they’re—the road between performer and enforcer turns into nearly negligible.”
Mrunal Thakur’s apology to Bipasha (Supply: Instagram/@mrunalthakur)
Past superstar disputes
Outdoors Bollywood, girls encounter the identical tug-of-war over femininity in on a regular basis life.
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Kanuupriya Vijay Modi, battling PCOD-induced facial hair, nonetheless faces jibes about her femininity three years into her marriage — feedback on her physique hair, weight, peak, or pores and skin color.
“I don’t match the ‘image excellent 36-24-36’ glamourised by the world. However I refuse to let these petty elements outline my femininity. The sundar-sushil (pretty-virtuous) stamp in matchmaking conversations simply feels performative to me,” mentioned the co-founder and author at Creativewala. To her, such requirements are much less about magnificence and extra about management—deciding who will get to talk, to dominate, to cross judgement.
Anna Mariam Ittyerah, a Bangalore-based PR govt, remembers fixed corrections from childhood: from “comb your hair, it appears wild” (she has curly hair) to “sit correctly like a woman.” Even immediately, she says, the scrutiny continues.
“Whether or not at residence or work, I’m judged for sounding ‘too masculine’ or for seen physique hair. It’s exhausting. It triggers childhood reminiscences of all the time being known as ‘one of many guys’,” she mentioned.
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The psychological well being toll
Counselling psychologist Dr Rimpa Sarkar agreed, and warned that this countless self-surveillance and the fixed efficiency of femininity – all the time trying a sure manner, dressing to please, staying submissive or non-opinionated – can devastate psychological well being.
“The fixed self-monitoring typically results in self-criticism, nervousness, melancholy, physique picture points, and even consuming problems. Many ladies start to really feel their price lies solely of their look fairly than their expertise or achievements,” she mentioned.
In the long term, Dr Sarkar mentioned, this erodes shallowness and fuels a harsh inside dialogue, making it more durable to construct compassion in direction of oneself. It will probably additionally pressure relationships—particularly between girls—by breeding insecurity, comparability, and competitors.
Priyadarshini sees it as a cycle of social conditioning. “We aren’t born selecting girls aside. We be taught it. As youngsters, we idolise our elders. Once we hear them mock one other girl for being ‘too manly’ or ‘too muscular,’ we internalise it. We cross it on,” she mentioned.
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That’s why superstar controversies like Thakur’s grow to be revealing. “Physique positivity can’t be selective. You possibly can’t cheer ‘curvy’ girls however belittle girls with broad shoulders. The contradiction is apparent,” Priyadarshini mentioned.
However unlearning takes time. Even well-intentioned individuals slip up as a result of a long time of conditioning don’t simply disappear. Dr Sarkar strongly encourages embracing authenticity, because it permits for more healthy self-worth and stronger, extra supportive connections.
