It was a chilly December night time in Delhi, simply earlier than Christmas. He had been parked outdoors the portico of a five-star resort, watching the doorways slide open and shut. She had been inside for the higher a part of twelve hours, spending time with a good friend she hadn’t seen in virtually ten months.
From his spot, he may see them via the thick foyer glass. Simply silhouettes. She hugged the good friend goodbye, adjusted her scarf, and crossed the polished flooring in the direction of the exit. She obtained in, brushed hair out of her eyes, and requested him to drive. He felt a flicker of unease. Her closest good friend hadn’t bothered to say whats up, regardless of realizing she had somebody ready outdoors. He let that thought slide.
On the drive dwelling, he tried to fill the air. “How was lunch? What did you eat? Did you get dessert?” — all questions had been met with silence. He dreaded such deafening silences. Her thoughts was nonetheless elsewhere.
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“We obtained intimate,” had been the primary phrases she lastly stated. These softly spoken phrases, uttered solely as soon as, appeared louder than the Bollywood quantity taking part in on the radio and harsher than the biting chilly outdoors. She didn’t appear to anticipate a response. It was extra of a closing assertion than a dialog starter.
He smiled, however not out of pleasure –– from a wierd sense of peace; of realizing his intestine had been proper. He had by no means been suspicious, restrictive or possessive. He believed what many do: those that want to cheat, will, and it says extra about them than those that are betrayed.
For him, it was closure.
The remainder of the drive was lonely however not hostile. There was no shouting, no tears, simply the silence of two individuals who knew the connection had died lengthy earlier than this night time. The ambiance in that shifting steel field felt like a house mourning a dying, one everybody had seen coming.
This scene is taking part in out throughout India in residences, cafés, parks, and late-night textual content messages. That’s the reason the newest information on infidelity is each shocking and extra advanced than it first seems.
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When the numbers don’t agree
The newest Gleeden–IPSOS 2025 survey stories that India’s “self-reported” dishonest fee has fallen by 16 per cent since 2023. 48 per cent of respondents now admit to being untrue, in comparison with the 64 per cent two years in the past. Gleeden calls it “infidelity fatigue”: individuals bored with juggling double lives, leaning as an alternative in the direction of open conversations, redefined partnerships, and negotiated boundaries.
Nonetheless, the 2025 Ashley Madison rankings, as reported by ET Edge Insights, inform a unique story. Kanchipuram, Tamil Nadu — not a significant metro — tops the listing for extra-marital exercise in India. A number of districts from Delhi-NCR comply with, and, surprisingly, Mumbai is absent from the highest 20.
If each units of numbers are true, the query shouldn’t be “are we dishonest much less?” It needs to be “what’s actually driving the alternatives individuals make once they do?”
Yuzvendra Chahal’s admission and the price of pretending
That query took a public flip when cricketer Yuzvendra Chahal spoke brazenly about “faking” his marriage to choreographer Dhanashree Verma in its closing stretch, and leaning on RJ Mahvash for assist throughout that interval. It was a glimpse into a typical sample: staying within the body of a relationship lengthy after the image inside has pale.
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“Most individuals anticipate their companions to be every little thing — a lover, a good friend, a therapist, a nurturer,” stated Delnna Rrajesh, psychologist and relationship coach. “When one individual can not meet all these expectations, as an alternative of adjusting these expectations or in search of more healthy options, some flip outdoors the wedding for what’s lacking. This isn’t at all times about ardour; it’s usually about feeling seen, heard, or valued once more.”
You don’t should know the psychological time period for it to recognise this — avoiding the ache of ending one thing by discovering consolation elsewhere. Leaving can really feel like tearing up your individual lifeline. And that may be a main cause behind individuals straying, not from relationships, simply marriages. Relationships ended manner earlier than.
“Folks usually suppose dishonest is about attraction, however extra usually it’s about loneliness, disappointment, and exterior pressures,” stated Delnna Rrajesh, psychologist and relationship coach. “I see two sorts of individuals — those that will attempt to make it work it doesn’t matter what, and people who received’t tolerate discomfort for lengthy. In each instances, components like interference from in-laws, affect of friends, and comparability with different {couples} can chip away at a wedding. A not-so-supportive good friend circle can fireplace up resentment on each side. Over time, this creates a hollowness, and if you’re already feeling empty, you’re extra more likely to discover that emotional area elsewhere — not since you had been trying to cheat, however since you slipped into it.”
Leaving can really feel like tearing up your individual lifeline. (Supply: Freepik)
Why not simply depart?
This can be a query buddies and strangers throw round simply: if it’s not working, why not finish it? Why not up and depart?
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Reply is easy, too, if checked out with an open thoughts. Endings, generally, particularly marriages, are expensive — cash, stability, id. There are children, loans, and reputations at stake. There’s additionally the human pull in the direction of the acquainted, even when the acquainted hurts. “Generally individuals keep in suffocating marriages for the kids, for social standing, or to keep away from neighborhood gossip. Peer stress, comparability with different {couples}, and interference from in-laws can all contribute to emotional distance — however nonetheless, divorce appears like a much bigger social failure than an affair,” Rrajesh stated.
It’s straightforward for others to recommend separation and chopping off, however solely the 2 individuals who as soon as determined to provide life a shot collectively know the way a lot they’ve nurtured that relationship. I don’t imply to, in any manner, argue {couples} ought to stretch their unfulfilled relationships for the sake of all that I discussed above; I’m saying it shouldn’t be so tough for these events to grasp why these {couples} do what they do.
“Leaving a wedding is horrifying, particularly in India,” stated Rrajesh. “Divorce continues to be stigmatised, and if there are kids, it’s even more durable. The method is messy, costly, and emotionally draining. I’ve seen {couples} agreeing to let one another have affairs, so long as they hold the household unit intact. It’s not wholesome, however for them, it feels just like the lesser evil in comparison with separation.”
The Gleeden information provides one other twist: 94 per cent of those that cheated nonetheless described themselves as glad of their relationships. However solely 25 per cent felt fulfilled. That hole — glad sufficient to remain, stressed sufficient to stray — is the place many affairs start.
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“Monetary variations and mismatched ambitions are one other massive cause,” Rrajesh stated, including, “When ambitions don’t align, {couples} usually lose respect for one another, and it’s exhausting to be with somebody you now not respect. In that state of affairs, consideration from another person can really feel like a lifeline.”
Affairs are sometimes painted as thrill-seeking, however in actuality they’re extra about patching a private deficit. Feeling heard once more. Feeling needed. Reclaiming part of your self you thought had gone numb.
“Generally what’s lacking comes from deep-rooted interior baby wounds,” Rrajesh stated. “A concern of loneliness, a should be nurtured, or craving fixed consideration. Anticipating a accomplice to heal these wounds is unfair — however when each companions anticipate it from one another, the emotional pressure can break the bond.”
When the intimacy at dwelling frays on account of work stress, parenting, sickness, or simply emotional drift, which I’ve written about earlier, many individuals keep away from the exhausting dialog that may really repair it, both via a reconciliation or deciding to half methods. An affair turns into a shortcut to feeling alive once more. The issue is, it’s a short lived repair that usually leaves the unique hole wider. And extra individuals get damage within the course of, finally.
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The mechanics of attachment and acting-out
Attachment historical past leaves a sample. Individuals who carry anxious attachment usually concern abandonment and should attempt to safe connection by any means potential, together with secretive affairs that paradoxically each reassure and threaten their sense of security. Individuals who carry avoidant attachment, alternatively, could make intimacy really feel suffocating; these people could pursue affairs that supply bodily intimacy with out the messy calls for of emotional closeness.
Figuring out an individual’s attachment tendencies helps clinicians distinguish motive: is that this an try and fill an vacancy, a fear-driven cling, or a transfer to keep away from vulnerability? The reply adjustments what a therapist would advise: ending the connection, rebuilding belief, or studying to control closeness and autonomy.
Forgiveness and the ‘one-time mistake’
The survey discovered 62 per cent of Indians would take into account forgiving a one-off affair if there’s real regret. In apply, that forgiveness usually comes from desirous to protect stability somewhat than embracing the act. Some rebuild. Others make a type of armed peace, residing on along with the crack nonetheless seen below the paint.
“Forgiving a one-time affair is a private choice,” stated Rrajesh. “Many individuals do forgive — to not excuse the act, however to protect stability. Whether or not the individual cheats once more relies on their general patterns. If somebody lies in different areas of life, they’re extra more likely to lie about relationships too. That’s why I at all times inform purchasers to have a look at the larger image of an individual’s integrity, not simply the affair itself.”
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“Having stated that, I’ve additionally seen {couples} rebuild after infidelity, some even develop stronger,” she stated. “However that solely occurs when each companions tackle the true causes behind the betrayal and decide to altering the patterns that led to it.”
How endings differ
Some relationships finish in slammed doorways and merciless authorized battles. Others in gradual, muted automobile rides, like that December night time. The break isn’t at all times the second of dishonest; it’s the months, typically years, of unstated distance that got here earlier than.
For the person in Delhi, the confession didn’t begin the top, it completed it. Within the weeks that adopted, conversations they’d averted for years lastly occurred. Tears fell for issues they need to have stated earlier. They parted, not in chaos, however with readability.
And maybe that’s the true story: dishonest could begin as an try and hold one thing alive with out dropping your self within the course of. However more often than not, it’s the silence earlier than the affair — not the affair itself — that decides the ending.
